Life doesn’t give you things you cannot handle

# Life Doesn't Give You Things You Cannot Handle

I hate this phrase.

I hate it because so often I feel like I cannot handle everything that is being thrown at me. I hate it because I shouldn't have to handle all of this by myself. And I hate it because some of the stuff I am having to handle wasn't even my mess to begin with.

So what am I doing? I'm figuring out how to handle it anyway.

I wish I wasn't in the place I am in now in life. I am supposed to be happily married and enjoying life by now, aren't I? Well — even if he was alive, would I be enjoying life? He wasn't happy, and I think he was sick for a lot of years and didn't tell me, and let the cancer win because he was so unhappy. But I will never know any of this for sure. I will just have to guess what he was thinking. I just have to keep going.

So instead, I keep moving forward with life. I'm doing all the things everyone says we should be doing. I'm trying all the things people say I should be doing. But you know what I've learned? The shoulds don't always work for me. I want to do things my way — in a way that helps me feel fulfilled.

The first thing I did that goes against the norm is I decided I don't want to be called a widow. I don't want the negative feeling that gives me. I don't like the looks I get from people when I say I'm a widow. So instead, I say I'm a single mom.

I tried online dating and met a lot of strange men. I've talked to two off and on for a year now, but I'm still alone, and often the odd man out on date night... lol. Friends always try to help me avoid that situation, but it happens anyway.

On July 4th, I was at a brewery with two different friend couples. They spent most of the time getting to know each other better, so I ended up being the odd man out. I tried to hide how I was feeling, but one of the husbands figured it out.

So now what's next? I keep working on things that help me feel fulfilled. I've written a book. I'm always writing here, and talking about what I'm feeling on my social media pages. And now I'm starting to co-host a podcast, and in September I have my first summit. I'm also working on booking some guest speaking events soon, and I can't wait to share more about that with you.

So — what are you doing right now that you didn't think you'd be doing? I'd love to hear more.