Give Yourself Time and Grace

Give Yourself Time and Grace

So I have been doing just this…. I have been giving myself time and grace to due with my stressors, mild depression and grief. My kids and I went to visit my best friend in Arizona over spring/Easter Break. I love going to Sedona because I feel like I get my batteries recharged. Some tell me it is because I get time with E and that is part of it, but also the vortexes out there are so powerful. I know not everyone believes in things like vortex and crystals, but honestly over the last few years I have begun believing because of the change in me after sitting by them.

So let's talk more about healing after the loss of a spouse is not a clear process. Some days you may feel strong and hopeful, and other days, the grief may hit you like a wave. I say this all of the time but never have I given any good examples of me having these problems. I like to pretend every day that I am ok, that John's death really doesn’t really cause my day to day existing any problems, but it does. I am doing pretty good, I work every day to get better , but really I am fine. Yes the Fucked up Insecure, Neuortic and Emotional defination of fine.

Why do I use that definition??? Well because it’s really the best way to describe how I feel. First I want to remind you that you need to be gentle with yourself and recognize that it’s okay to have setbacks. Second, I want to remind you that grief doesn't have an expiration date… Sadly, you won't suddenly just stop grieving one day.There is no timeline for grief. Whether it’s been months, years, or even decades since your loss, what matters most is that you’re taking steps toward healing at your own pace.

Often I hear/read people in online groups saying, I am ready to be over this… When should I?? I have said over and over again, that everything needs to happen on your own time and this is a huge part of giving yourself time and grace. But you know what the biggest thing for me has been… It is has been saying it is ok to still miss him, it is ok to be sad, it is ok to be angry and it is ok to want to move forward. When I say move forward that can be dating or honestly just moving on with your life.

For me moving forward has been creating a new life and allowing the grace to make changes and I move through this journey. I have begun calling my life now my journey because I am enjoying the ride. I have taken classes, read lots of books, traveled to new places and made LOTS of new friends. I have found my passion and I am loving the person I am becoming. Giving myself time to try new things, see what is going on in the world around me that I have never really looked at before because I was worried about what John would think. Having regular dinners out with a couple of amazing ladies I met while my daughter has been riding horses is another one of those things I do now that I wouldn’t have done before because I felt like I was leaving him behind so often. I have some of the best friendships now and they know I am a widow but love me as I am as the woman looking for new adventures and challenges.

Some days I get really mad at myself because I am not as good at some of the day to day activities that John used to take care of, such as finances and paying the bills, checking the mail and sorting though the crazy of the mundane day to day activities that I hate, but I am figuring them out.

So what am I trying to get at with all of this rambling. I love my new life but hate the way it has come about. I love who I am becoming, but am sometimes lonely because my partner is gone. I have given myself the joy of a new life while remembering the old and knowing that I will always suffer some from grief, but that grief has helped create who I am today.